Tuesday, June 16, 2009

A New Leaf!

It's been a little while since I have been here. I guess I can say I have been busy. So much times has gone by and yet I still miss you so much. I first want to thank you for sending your little brother to me and daddy. He is 3 months old now and absolutely beautiful. I look at him and just stare at the amazement that is he. I also look at him and its bittersweet as I think about you and knowing this is what I missed out on with you.

I won't say I wish I can change what happen anymore. If I had not had you and had you not went to heaven, I wouldn't have Jordan. I now know that things were meant to be the way they are. He was the one who was meant to be here with mommy and daddy. I stare at him and can't believe everything we went through to get him here. It's funny, because once he came, I still felt that emptiness that is you. Even now today, I still miss you and wish you were here. I think about if you had lived, I would have a 2 year old and a newborn. Oh how busy would I be.

Now that Jordan is 3 months old, I can think about is having a little girl. Most people don't dare think about having another baby so soon, and I'm not saying that is what I want today, but I want a little girl because I want a daughter and also because I lost my little girl.

Jaylin mommy still misses you so much and wonder if you would have looked like Jordan does. He looks a lot like me when I was his age but also looks a lot like daddy. The pain that once corrupted my heart 100% now still exists only in part. It has mainly been replaced by the joy of being a mother to my beautiful son that is your brother. Thank you my love. I will miss you forever.

Love Always,

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