Monday, April 7, 2008

Happy Birthday Jaylin!

Happy birthday my angel. I can't believe it's been a year that you were born. At this time last year I was still in recovery fromt the surgery. I remember the events that led to this day. Bleeding sent me to the hospital and being told I was 3.4 cm dialted and you were on your way. You were so active and moving and there was no way you wouldn't be ok.

Little did I know that God had a different plan for you. You made your entrance into this world at 6:05 a.m. this morning and it couldn't have been more bittersweet. At this particular time, I had not wrapped it around my mind that you would indeed pass away just two days later, but yet felt like any other mother on the day they give birth. I wish I could have been awake when you were born. To see you when they first took you from my womb and see you take your first breath. I often wonder what your first moments were like.

1 year later I still miss and grieve for you terribly. My heart continues to feel something missing. As Daddy and I celebrate your birthday today I want you to know that we love you very much and think about you all the time. As we struggle with trying to continue our attempt at becoming parents again, it pains me that I had the opportunity with you and it was taken away from me.

On this day Jaylin, we celebrate your life. I wonder the things you would be doing today. We would have a party with cake and icecream. To see you smile and light up as we gather to wish you a happy birthday. Instead we must celebrate with only a memory and a wish that you could have been here to see it. I pray for strength to get through this day with a smile on my face knowing that you are in heaven celebrating with us and thinking of us, sending us peace that you are in a better place and are doing ok.


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