Friday, May 9, 2008

Mother's Day 1 Year Later...

This sunday will be the 2nd Mother's Day since Jaylin has been gone. Last year it was 1 month and 4 days after she died that I had to deal with the reality of this day. I remember crying most of the day and wishing everyone would stop sending me text messages wishing me a happy day that was only a reminder that I was a Mother, but to a child that was not here.

May 13th 2007 was the date. It was also the day I got my first AF after coming home from the hospital, another reminder that my womb was now empty. Now as I approach this day 1 year later, it feels the same although different. I now welcome the wishes for a Happy Mother's Day for now 1 year later, I am at peace. I know yes I am a mother, just that my child is in heaven.

Yes I am jealous of other women who have children to celebrate with. Yes I wish I could atleast expereince this Mother's Day pregnant and expecting a child, but I sit and grieve on this Mother's Day for the one I lost with no others to share it with.

I really expected to be pregnant again by this time, but as I see it is not a part of God's plan and I am not sure what his plan is, but I pray that its for me to become pregnant again and hopefully to celebrate next year on Mothers day with a living child.

Jaylin My Love, I am sending you a Happy Mother's Day greeting from earth to Heaven
I thank you angel for giving me the chance to experience this Day with great Pain and at this time great peace. Though my heart is aching to experience this day with you, I know on this day in heaven you will think of me and hold my hand as I get through this day without you.

I know I will hear the whisper of your voice just when I feel my heart is too heavy and the pain is far too great. As this day is celebrated for Mothers with earthly children, I will remember that I too am included on Mother's Day, for yes I am a Mother, a Mother to an angel in Heaven.

Love you much,

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