Today as I welcome my 28th birthday, I am thankful to see another year. The day started off with a beautiful card and breakfast from my husband, and I wondered. I wondered if Jaylin thought of me today. Then on the way to breakfast she sent me a sign. The most beautiful rainbow, and there it was, my sign that my beautiful little girl was in heaven and thought of me today.
I only pray that this year be filled with the joys and happiness of many wonderful things to come, and an even bigger chance to re write all the negative things I will leave behind at the age of 27. I have come to the place where I no longer think about what I should have done by now. There are many things I thought I would have accomplised and one of those is being a mother.
I really expected by this time this year that I would have a kicking and screaming baby. Instead, I sit here thinking and remembering what little time I spent with her. At first I hoped to be pregnant again by my due date, then before this year would be over, and now I hope to be pregnant by Jaylin's first birthday. But honestly, none of this matters. I just really hope to be pregnant soon and whatever soon means, it just means.
I hope it's not too long, but I have to understand that I have no control over it and there is nothing I can do but be patient and wait on the Lord. I am happy that I made it to another birthday and wish for many many more to come. But only that from here on out, the next birthday be filled with the love and happiness of being a mother.