Monday, December 3, 2007

This Holiday Season...

It's officially the holiday season and I can't help but miss Jaylin so much. I decorated the christmas tree on Saturday and Halfway through, I borke down and started crying. Everything had been going fine, then all of a sudden I started thinking "Jaylin should be here watching me decorate the tree" and I could no longer contain myself. It was a very emotional moment for me, but I allowed this moment to be what it was and allowed myself to cry and get it out.

After about 20 minutes, I was finally able to peel myself up off of the kitchen floor and continue decorating. As we move closer and closer to Christmas, it just pains me that I dont have an almost 4 month old daughter to celebrate with. I also was able to get most of my Christmas shopping done this weekend and am so happy about that. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday, and I have always enjoyed Christmas shopping for my family, especially my niece and nephews.

As I did my shopping on Saturday at Target, I inadvertantly found myself strolling by the infant section. Everyone who knows me knows how much I love Winnie The Pooh, and as I passed the section that Target has with Winnie The Pooh infant apparel, I could not stop myself from going over and admiring the Baby's 1st Christmas outfits. I showed them to my husband and we both just smiled at the thought of buying this for Jaylin.

I am so glad I was able to get through this weekend and decorate the Christmas tree which holds the beautiful ornament I have for Jaylin. I love just looking at the tree as the ornament shines through the lights on the tree. I know Jaylin loves it as well and is proud of the great job I dId. Thursday will mark 8 months since she was born and Sunday will mark 8 months that she died, I am really beginning to be "ok". The closer I get to a year of my life changing, everything seems to become more clearer to me. My birthday is in two weeks as well as Christmas, and though it pains me to face this day without my beautiful little girl, I look forward to the holiday because it still is my favorite time of year.

Its when we celebrate the birth of Christ and know that "it's the reason for the season". I look forward to the year coming to an end, as I know that God has a better plan for me for the new year of 2008 and I will pray, thank him, and have faith in him that he has my beautiful little girl there with him in heaven and she will enjoy this holiday season along with me.

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