As my 28th birthday approaches next month, I can't help but feel it again. Here I go again with another birthday without being a mother. I really didnt expect this one to turn out this way, but then again, I am sure this is the way God has always had it planned. I should be celebrating with my daughter, but instead I will be making a birhtday wish that next years birthday be filled with the love and joy of being a parent.
The last couple birthdays have all been different. Though they all have included pain and feeling sad. Last years birthday so far was the best. I found out I was pregnant December 1st and my birthday is on December 23rd. I was 6 1/2 weeks pregnant on my birthday last year and felt great. I couldn't believe I finally had life growing inside me. That had to be the best thing about being pregnant.
Now as I remember what that birthday felt like, it makes this years birthday sad. I miss feeling my daughter move inside me, I miss knowing that everyday brought me a little closer to her being her. The year 2007 is quickly approaching an end and I wonder what unexpected things 2008 will bring. I pray for next year to bring a rainbow through this storm I have been through. I pray that next year will finally shed some light on why things have been so hard for me lately.
I know the passing of each day brings a new day. The ending of one year, marks the beginning of another. Its only after going through the rain and tha pain that I can see the sun and know exactly what it was that God was trying to show me. I thank him. For allowing me to have 22 weeks and 6 days with my daughter inside me. I thank him for allowing me to have 3 days of her being here on earth to bring such joy to my heart. As this year approaches its end, I look forward to next year bringing happiness within my heart and hope within my spirit as I once had.