Friday, November 23, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving Jaylin!

Happy Thanksgiving Jaylin. I miss you so much my beautiful little girl. I am thankful this Thanksgiving to have been pregnant with you and carried you for 22 weeks and 6 days. I am thankful to have seen the miracle baby you were. I can't believe that I actually saw you alive and moving. Feeling you grab my hand and the touch you gave me was more than I can express in words.

You have a new little cousin who also happens to be named Jaylen, but you probable already knew that. He was born two weeks ago and I thank you for making sure he arrived safe and sound. He is the most handsome little boy I have ever seen. I held him on yesterday and kept thinking how I wish it was you I was holding. My arms still ache for you to fill them. My breast still ache to put you to them. I know its God's plan and his will for you to be with him in heaven.

I know his will was for you to not be here with me and Daddy. For reasons I may never know, I was chosen to be your mom. For reasons I may never know, you were chosen to be here on earth for just 3 days. For reasons I may never know, I was chosen to experience the pain of infertility as I try and make my dream of becoming a mother come true.

Happy Thanksgiving my angel. As I get through this holiday without you, I want you to know that there will be many holidays to come, but none that will not allow me the time to reflect on the memory of you. There will be more happy moments to come into my life I'm sure, but know that as long as I live, you will live. As long as I live, you will be remembered. Its on This Thanksgiving that I am thankful to call myself a mother to an angel in heaven.

I Love You Jaylin,
Love Mommy

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