Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Positive Insight!

I pray that everyday continues to bring forth something positive within my life. As I gradually approach the age of 30 in a couple years, I am starting to feel my life changing. I want so much to be happy and now I am in the process of discovering what that means. Its funny how suddenly life begins to take on a whole new meaning. Where do I start? How do I begin? Begin to pick up the pieces of my life to help build the rest of my life.

Currently working as an Office Administrator, its the first job that I have actually had where I like it. At the same time its not fulfilling. Ever since I lost my daughter, my life seems to need more meaning to it. I take it as one of the many lessons she taught me. To be happy and follow whatever dreams I may have. My husband also has a good job and has been stable at that job for many years now, but he also finds it less fulfilling and needing something more meaningful and to his liking.

I wish I could just wake up and everything begins to fall into place. This I know will not come without hard work, determination and sacrifices. I am honestly at the point where I just want to quit my job, but the only thing currently keeping me here is the fact that financially right now I have to be here. Going through this fertility treatment process again has been very costly and my husband is not able to carry the load on his own. He needs me to help him and as his wife, its exactly what I have to do. So basically I am only working to bring in the extra money we really need right now to support ourselves.

I am thinking of my plan of moving forward and it will start once I become pregnant. My concern has always been when I do have a child, I am not to keen on putting them in daycare when maternity leave is up, so my thought is to remain home with them for awhile, maybe 6 months or so. Then start my journey then on getting my life together as far as career wise. This whole process of infertility has completely consumed my life and therefore taken on the more important role, rather than my career. Though I am glad it has happened this way. I couldn't have imagined if I had persued my career first, and put off having children til later, then my infertility issues would have been much greater.

I pray and have faith that becoming pregnant will only be the beginning of many many dreams fulfilled for me and my husband as we continue to embark on this journey of making our dreams of becoming parents come true. It will only be the first step through many more steps of happiness. I dont understand how many people can work at a job that is not satisfying to them. I personally don't see this as being happy. Going to work everyday from 9-5 working for someone else, putting all this time and energy into something that only benefits the company you work for and for what? A paycheck. Well, a paycheck can be earned almost anywhere.

I challenge everyone to fulfill their dreams, if you are working or doing something now that is not allowing you to accomplish the things you want in life, then you need to stop. I challenge everyone to find what it is that makes them happy an do whatever necessary to help them get exactly that. Its only after you have overcome obstacles, made sacrifices and most improtantly worked very hard to reach your goals, that you will be able to look at what you have done and really truly feel complete happiness.

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